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| Criterion | Definition | Example-giving | Example-receiving | Example-self |
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| Free choice | Making a deliberate choice to give oneself for the good of the other/self without having any specific reason or obligation to do so. | “Teaching is what I am supposed to be doing and this is my way of giving back” describes someone’s passion for teaching. | “He’s there for me always” states someone, who experiences the friend of his diseased father as a “real friend” and truly helpful. | “I decided I have to do something or I’m going to get really sick” describes a participants’ reaction to the deaths of many people from AIDS. |
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| Cognitive understanding | The ability to understand the situation, the other, and oneself. This requires the ability to distinguish between the needs, feelings, and wants of the other and oneself. | “I am watching and I am an integral part of people’s lives, changing their lives and adjusting them.” describes a teacher. “The kids believe in me because I am very honest” | A HIV-positive partner offers a special insight. “We can talk about anything and everything. He lets me know if I’m doing something right or wrong.” | “I am feeling so good now” rejoices a participant “Little by little it (engagement in psychotherapy) was helping me to understand me, where I’m coming from, and to understand better the others.” |
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| Valuing/empowering | Expressing respect and love for the other/self rather than pity. Central criterion is the enhancement of the recipient’s self-efficacy and development. | After being diagnosed with HIV, participant founded a support group aiming “to provide emotional, educational, and social support to the HIV community.” | Participant describes the help of her new boyfriend as follows: “He boosts my self-esteem and is intellectually challenging.” | “It’s a challenge, this changes all of your life”, a participant describes his benefit seeking from HIV by using different empowering resources, for example, psychotherapy and education. |
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Openness and
receptivity for spirituality | The spiritual awareness of being part of something important beyond oneself and feeling connected to a higher presence. Being open and receptive for the so-called “inspired” quality of CL. | Someone who believes in reincarnation and karma states “There is a lesson in everyone’s lifetime. Now (after HIV diagnosis) I know my lesson. I’m here to help others walk the path, to help them get through this. We all have a purpose of giving back to the universe.” | Participant feels really close to “the Lord” and participant is religious, engaged in different church activities and feels empowered by her church: “A minister in the church put me on his prayer line.” | Despite multimorbidity, someone is full of hope and confidence: “Because I’ve accepted this and I have hope and faith in God.” |
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Response
of the heart | The affective and emotional dimension of CL.
Empathy motivates to help others/self. | A woman remembers the first moments after being diagnosed with HIV-diagnosis: “There was no place for me to go.” To help others with the same destiny, she founded a support group. | Participant’s brother was an alcoholic but is sober now and supports his brother: “Matter of fact he came by to sit in on one of my AA meetings.” | “When you see the despair and depths of cruelty people have gone through to survive, then we should be so thankful” a woman describes her gratitude and satisfaction “to have a decent place to live, food, just the basics that most Americans take for granted.” |
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